risky play

I like what this article says about why risky play is necessary for children. It brought back memories of me playing out the back where the clothes lines are, on the railings, nearly falling off on more than one occasion; walking along the narrow high wall just next to the railings until the plants got in the way, which actually meant I didn't get very far along the wall, but I remember that to me it was an achievement to make it to the branches and cobwebs. I don't think my childhood was filled with many risky play opportunities, but this article reminded me that I did actually have some.

owning your emotions

I love what this says about what you need to do about your emotions, such as anger and frustration, which I experience daily. Baby may be the cutest most adorable person in the world but that doesn't mean it's a breeze being happy and patient with him all the time. I have a very quick temper, and to say I am one of the least patient people in the world is being generous. However Baby makes me want to be a better mum, which will hopefully translate into a better person overall. I've realised I have been able to tell Baby when I'm feeling unhappy, or angry (note I never say you made me unhappy/angry), and just giving voice to my emotions gives me a moment to help me act less irrationally in response to those emotions (such as yelling at Baby, or using excessive force :-( ). This is the space that this article (and others I've read) talks about, between action and reaction. I've learned to recognise when the anger starts to bubble up inside me, but I still need to find a way to expand the space between action and reaction. I'll let you know once I've found the switch for that lightbulb.

When you do realise what triggers these emotions too, it's such a relief, because then you realise how unnecessary the anger and frustration was. A few weeks ago I was putting Baby down for his morning nap but he just refused to sleep and for some reason I felt myself get overly frustrated with him for no reason at all. When I thought about why I was feeling so grumpy I realised it was because I wanted him to nap so I could make myself a coffee and just enjoy a few moments of quiet time to myself. It was a particularly late morning nap that day so my usual morning coffee looked to be thrown out the window with his refusal to go to sleep. At that moment I realised I just have to make my coffee every morning at the same time, regardless of whether Baby has gone down for his nap or not. And since I started doing that, I have never felt frustrated when he decides he doesn't need his morning nap. This may make me appear to be a coffee addict, but I assure you it's more about having some sort of morning treat for me, rather than needing the caffeine, really...

It's articles like these that make you realise parenting is just one long journey of learning, one journey that I am so thankful to be able to have.

developing worries

Around about the second month I started to worry about how I could create the optimal environment to ensure I was providing enough stimulation for Baby so he could develop all the bits in his brain that he needed to develop at this very very early age. I was reading books about games you can play with your 0-6 month old baby (one called 'clever baby', no less) and I spent most of his waking moments trying to go through all the games, shaking a rattle at him, showing him various objects, reading him baby books, in the hope that he would absorb something useful out of the myriad of things I was throwing at him. But something about my approach didn't seem quite right to me, so I read more about how to spend time with a 0-6 month old baby. And that's how I learnt about self-directed play.

A baby really doesn't need any fancy toys or props to develop - everything a baby needs to learn about themselves and the world around them is already available in their surroundings. The world may seem dull and boring to us as adults, but to babies every minute detail is new and captivating. I've often caught Baby staring out the window watching the leaves on the trees outside, mesmerised by the movement. I've also seen him stare many times at a blank white wall and wondered what has captured his attention.

I wrote the above post back in around August, and I never got around to publishing it. But it is still true now, at nearly 11 months. I no longer spend my time worrying about how to stimulate him as much as possible and I am more relaxed about Baby and his development. I don't spend my time wondering if I'm doing enough, because I know that Baby is enough and my presence is enough for him.

judgement

Before Baby came into my life, I was that person who silently judged other mums.

When I have a baby he won't be screaming like that in public.
When I have a baby he will be so much better behaved.
When I have a baby he will not meltdown and have tantrums.

Ah, how little I knew then. I know now we're all the same, we're all mums doing our best to raise these little people who are so dependent on us. I know I have a strong and wilful baby on my hands who is on the cusp of becoming an even stronger and more wilful toddler. I know he is intensely spirited and all that is inside him is bursting to be let out. I don't know what the coming years hold, but I do know that judgement has no place in my life.


On an ultra tangential side note, I just read that saying 'do your best' creates anxiety in kids as it is not specific enough.... really???

beautiful beethoven

I initially started this blog so I could capture the wonderful experience of living in London and travelling around Europe. Obviously that didn't happen. But one of the many reasons I love living in London is that there is so much going on all the time, all over the place - you just have to keep your eyes open. Yesterday afternoon Baby and I were treated to a free concert at the small church just down the road. I always walk past this church and one day I noticed they were hosting a performance of Beethoven's violin concerto in D major the coming Friday. Thankfully, everything was running smoothly for Baby and me that morning so after lunch I packed him up and walked down hoping they would let us in. They did, and we were treated to some truly beautiful music that afternoon. I would have been happy with an amateur performance, but it was actually a chance for the violinist (Sebastian Mueller) to run through the concerto before performing it with an orchestra in Europe somewhere (I forget where...) later this year. It was just a piano (rather roughly) taking the place of the orchestra on Friday, but being able to sit and listen to Beethoven's violin concerto played so beautifully on a Friday afternoon with my baby boy, is something that is quite unique to living in London I think.

consent

Finally, a post that is not a quote! I want to remember this article as these are the types of things and concepts that I'm only vaguely aware of, if at all, and I need something concrete to work from for when baby gets older. Growing up we never had any conversations like these, so I can't draw from any personal experience. I just have to learn as I go and hope that my best is enough, as is the case with pretty much everything. It's only since becoming a mum that I've realised how painfully deficient my upbringing was.

More excuses

I know it seems like I'm just collecting quotes now, but I do have hopes of one day (soon!) writing something myself, rather than reprinting other people's words. Although this does seem like a good place to collect all these wonderful quotes, these quotes that make my heart swell with their eloquence and poignancy.