My favourite part of the day is in the morning, when Baby has woken up and is making noises in his cot and I'm just waking up and getting ready to get out of bed to begin the day. I'm not sure what he's thinking or what he's up to, but the moment I peer into his cot he stops his fussing and looks up at me and smiles his gorgeous smile - that moment is pure joy for me. Of course he actually smiles at any one of us who looks into his cot - he's just happy to see a familiar face after so many hours on his own. But nevertheless, even though that smile isn't reserved just for me, I can't imagine a more beautiful way to start my day. I don't know how long it will last, but I treasure every morning that I wake up to his beautiful smile.
Monday, 18 August 2014
Saturday, 16 August 2014
Tuesday, 5 August 2014
"you can do it"
I say this all the time at the moment to Baby, but I've just read that this can potentially set Baby up to believe that he will disappoint me by saying this, and on reflection I can see how this is true. One more phrase for me to catch and rephrase before it leaves my lips.
I've read articles in the past, and still am reading them, about things you should and shouldn't say to your child. It's easy to stay away from being negative, the hard part is knowing how to say positive things the 'right' way. There are so many things that I say naturally with the intention of trying to be positive and encouraging, but I know a lot of them do more harm than good. I guess I hope that by noting them down as I find them, I'll be more mindful of them and more careful about the words I use to support and encourage Baby.
I've read articles in the past, and still am reading them, about things you should and shouldn't say to your child. It's easy to stay away from being negative, the hard part is knowing how to say positive things the 'right' way. There are so many things that I say naturally with the intention of trying to be positive and encouraging, but I know a lot of them do more harm than good. I guess I hope that by noting them down as I find them, I'll be more mindful of them and more careful about the words I use to support and encourage Baby.
routine
They say babies love routine, and this suits me just fine because I absolutely adore routine. In fact, I love routine so much that I don't actually look forward to a holiday because going away on holiday means my very predictable weekday and weekend routines will be disrupted. It's only when I'm in the car/plane/train travelling to my destination that I begin to let go of my usual routine and enjoy the fact that I am on holiday.
Because babies are born into a brand new world where everything is unknown and new, babies benefit from a routine as it makes their surroundings more manageable, so they can absorb and learn. It's only really now, at around 3 months that I finally feel that Baby and I have settled into a comfortable routine. Perhaps we would have settled down earlier if I hadn't had all those breastfeeding problems, or if I'd given up on breastfeeding earlier, but that's neither here nor there, I'm glad we have one now. So these days when Baby is awake (that is when he isn't feeding or napping), the mornings we spend chatting to each other, the afternoons I try to help him learn to play by himself, and the evenings I sing some songs to him or read him a story to keep him awake and calm before bed time. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm always amazed at how quickly the day has flown by when I'm singing to him at night preparing him for bed. And I hope that Baby finds as much comfort in this routine as I do.
Because babies are born into a brand new world where everything is unknown and new, babies benefit from a routine as it makes their surroundings more manageable, so they can absorb and learn. It's only really now, at around 3 months that I finally feel that Baby and I have settled into a comfortable routine. Perhaps we would have settled down earlier if I hadn't had all those breastfeeding problems, or if I'd given up on breastfeeding earlier, but that's neither here nor there, I'm glad we have one now. So these days when Baby is awake (that is when he isn't feeding or napping), the mornings we spend chatting to each other, the afternoons I try to help him learn to play by himself, and the evenings I sing some songs to him or read him a story to keep him awake and calm before bed time. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm always amazed at how quickly the day has flown by when I'm singing to him at night preparing him for bed. And I hope that Baby finds as much comfort in this routine as I do.
respectful parenting
I enjoyed reading this article - it's something I aspire to, but I know I have a long way to go yet to achieve it. I think I have the first two points covered (the coming months and years will tell whether this is true). I'm working on trusting Baby's ability to learn skills by himself (I hope to go into this more in another post) and in time hopefully this will support Baby's ability to determine for himself how he wishes to spend his time - both require me to step back as a mum and not force my own agenda onto him (e.g. placing an object in front of him at 2 months, willing him to grab onto it, and even placing his hands onto it to show him that that is what I want him to do, yes I shamefully did do this).
The third point, accepting his feelings, is something I am already struggling with. Whenever someone is upset, my instinct is to comfort them by telling them it's ok, it will pass, and other similar platitudes (although I never intend them to be hollow statements!). However when Baby is upset and I do this, this actually invalidates his feelings, and I don't want him to end up mistrusting his emotions. I want him to know that it is ok to feel angry, or sad, or hurt - they may not be pleasant feelings, but it is impossible to go through life without feeling them. I don't want him to bury these feelings, I want him to know how to deal with them. So I need to change my approach, instead of telling him there's no reason to be upset, I need to acknowledge that something is upsetting him. Even though he can't tell me what that is right now (his nose is itchy? his back is hot?) soon he will be able to, and when that time comes I hope that he will tell me and that I will be there to listen to him.
The third point, accepting his feelings, is something I am already struggling with. Whenever someone is upset, my instinct is to comfort them by telling them it's ok, it will pass, and other similar platitudes (although I never intend them to be hollow statements!). However when Baby is upset and I do this, this actually invalidates his feelings, and I don't want him to end up mistrusting his emotions. I want him to know that it is ok to feel angry, or sad, or hurt - they may not be pleasant feelings, but it is impossible to go through life without feeling them. I don't want him to bury these feelings, I want him to know how to deal with them. So I need to change my approach, instead of telling him there's no reason to be upset, I need to acknowledge that something is upsetting him. Even though he can't tell me what that is right now (his nose is itchy? his back is hot?) soon he will be able to, and when that time comes I hope that he will tell me and that I will be there to listen to him.
Friday, 1 August 2014
praise
I've been reading a few interesting articles about praising your child recently. There are in fact 2 types of praise - 'fixed mindset' praise and 'growth mindset' praise. In a nutshell fixed mindset praise is praise that is directed at a particular attribute (e.g. "you're so smart" or "you're so beautiful") without any reference to why that praise was earned, whereas growth mindset praise focuses on the effort and the thought your child put into acting a certain way (e.g. "I like how you put your toys away without me asking you to, it keeps the room tidy"). It's important to offer both types of praise to your child, and I'm trying to do a healthy mix of both. I've started to be more mindful of how I'm praising Baby, as I don't want my praise to end up falling on deaf ears, I don't want my words of praise to become a way for me to lavish love upon my baby boy, and I don't want him to end up seeking his value from my opinion or the opinions of others (something which I think I suffer from). He may be too young to understand me when I tell him I can see how much effort he puts into grabbing his clothing off the cushion, or when I praise him for burping with almost no assistance from me, but better to start forming good habits early right?
As my memory is rather like a sieve these days, the links to the articles are below, in the high likelihood I will need to reread them.
An in depth article about the study into the effectiveness of fixed mindset praise vs growth mindset praise - How not to talk to your kids
http://notjustcute.com/2013/01/14/praise-junkies-part-two/
http://notjustcute.com/2012/06/12/praise-junkies-beware/
http://notjustcute.com/2012/01/24/pondering-praise/
As my memory is rather like a sieve these days, the links to the articles are below, in the high likelihood I will need to reread them.
An in depth article about the study into the effectiveness of fixed mindset praise vs growth mindset praise - How not to talk to your kids
http://notjustcute.com/2013/01/14/praise-junkies-part-two/
http://notjustcute.com/2012/06/12/praise-junkies-beware/
http://notjustcute.com/2012/01/24/pondering-praise/
Wednesday, 23 July 2014
not sleep deprived yet
Thankfully I haven't been that sleep deprived, yet... but I found this a very nice reassuring article to read, having grizzled slightly at things that have been said in the past few weeks. And knowing that Baby has difficulties sleeping at the moment, given his reflux and reflex 'gifts from nature' the possibility of becoming sleep deprived at some point is rather high.
10 things not to say to sleep deprived parents
10 things not to say to sleep deprived parents
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