praise

I've been reading a few interesting articles about praising your child recently. There are in fact 2 types of praise - 'fixed mindset' praise and 'growth mindset' praise. In a nutshell fixed mindset praise is praise that is directed at a particular attribute (e.g. "you're so smart" or "you're so beautiful") without any reference to why that praise was earned, whereas growth mindset praise focuses on the effort and the thought your child put into acting a certain way (e.g. "I like how you put your toys away without me asking you to, it keeps the room tidy"). It's important to offer both types of praise to your child, and I'm trying to do a healthy mix of both. I've started to be more mindful of how I'm praising Baby, as I don't want my praise to end up falling on deaf ears, I don't want my words of praise to become a way for me to lavish love upon my baby boy, and I don't want him to end up seeking his value from my opinion or the opinions of others (something which I think I suffer from). He may be too young to understand me when I tell him I can see how much effort he puts into grabbing his clothing off the cushion, or when I praise him for burping with almost no assistance from me, but better to start forming good habits early right?

As my memory is rather like a sieve these days, the links to the articles are below, in the high likelihood I will need to reread them.

An in depth article about the study into the effectiveness of fixed mindset praise vs growth mindset praise - How not to talk to your kids
http://notjustcute.com/2013/01/14/praise-junkies-part-two/
http://notjustcute.com/2012/06/12/praise-junkies-beware/
http://notjustcute.com/2012/01/24/pondering-praise/

not sleep deprived yet

Thankfully I haven't been that sleep deprived, yet... but I found this a very nice reassuring article to read, having grizzled slightly at things that have been said in the past few weeks. And knowing that Baby has difficulties sleeping at the moment, given his reflux and reflex 'gifts from nature' the possibility of becoming sleep deprived at some point is rather high.

10 things not to say to sleep deprived parents

guilt

I still read articles about breastfeeding. I guess this means I haven't fully let go. I even briefly looked at relactation articles today. I desperately wanted to breastfeed, to be able to nurture and nourish my baby, something only mothers can provide. I knew it would be hard, but I wasn't prepared for how incredibly difficult it is. I still wonder if I'd read up more about it would I have approached my own problems differently and hence succeeded instead of failed? Because I do feel that I failed, as I sit here recovering from an operation I had a couple of weeks ago to remove an abscess in my right breast. There are many mothers out there who have battled through problems far more serious than mine, and managed to succeed with breastfeeding. But I only have to think about how traumatised my baby was the last time we tried breastfeeding to know that I cannot try again. I can't put him through that again. Breastfeeding should be comforting for Baby, not frustrating. The internet has so many articles about breastfeeding in public, but I have feelings of guilt and disappointment when I think about how I will need to feed my baby with a bottle when in public, when I think about sitting with fellow mothers who are all breastfeeding while I will be the only one bottle feeding. But you won't find articles about this on the internet. These are my own demons, and I know I will conquer them, but for now they haunt me.

life

It was a few weeks ago, I looked down at Baby and marvelled at his perfection - his two ears, his tiny little hands and feet, his body, his consciousness. I was holding a tiny human that I had made. And then I realised how incredible that is, and for me that confirmed His existence. Things like this don't happen by chance, they aren't an accident.

11 weeks today

I still remember that moment in the first week holding Baby and looking down in amazement and wonderment at this tiny human, that face and those eyes as he looked up at me... it's a moment I will always remember. He is only 11 weeks today but already I miss how small he was.

heart

You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.
- Oscar Wilde

Oh how that touched my heart today.

I saw it in the most unexpected place - it was written on one of those whiteboards normally used for indicating delays or some such information, coming out of Earl's Court tube station.

mind

The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind.
- David Orr

Contrary to what you may think, the one that resonated most was storyteller, not lover. There is a story that needs to be told, and you will tell it one day.